PoliBLARGH

Two new idiomatic expressions, one which is highbrow.....and one which is not.

The Highbrow

You're talking to your friend, and they describe doing something. Let's say, "I'm gonna meet Mona and then we're riding to school."

You answer: "Do you mean that in the regular sense or in the John Donne sense?"


*the joke: John Donne, a contemporary of Shakespeare, was famous for his ridiculous double entendres (in fact he most likely invented the double entendre in it's modern form) in his poetry. Most famous is his use of "little death" as an orgasm (true, that's what it means in French, but whatever, it's dirty). One can always imagine John Donne standing around a group or courtiers and nudging the guy next to him whenever the ladies walked by, jabbing his elbow into the man's sides and going "eh? EHH?" In short, saying something in "The John Donne" sense means that you are taking the active verb out of the phrase and replacing it with a form of "fuck"*

Regular sense: Yesterday I stayed at home and studied for my chem final.
John Donne sense: Yesterday I stayed at home and fucked for my chem final.



The Lowbrow

You are discussing one of any various topics with a friend, and they bring up a specific item that annoys you. Let's say:

"Hey, have you seen Seven Years in Tibet?"

And you reply: "Seven years in Tibet? More like Seven Years in BLAAAARGH."

*the joke: people often use this form of sentence with the last word replaced by some sort of pun or jab. This time, we replace it with a barfing noise.*

Variations: If you think that it sounds better, or if the word has a "Mc" or "Mac" in it, go ahead and just put the barfing in the last syllable.
Example:

"Hey, I don't pay attention to the actual world, so I think I'll vote for John McCain."
"John McCain? More like John McBLAAAAARGH."


And while we're on the subject of John McCain: Boy oh boy am I sick of the whole "Liberal Media Gotcha Journalism" tripe that they're trying to sell.

First of all: they're slamming McCain/Palin for, like, lying. Repeatedly. About things that they should not lie about.

Second of all: they get on Obama's ass about it, too, and Biden's. But hey, you know why they don't do that so often? Because they check their facts instead of pulling them out of their asses.

Third of all: Come on, guys. If Obama ever pulled out a stunt like lying, or being immersed in Lobbyists, or picked a completely inexperienced runningmate, had a wife who had been addicted to Vicodin, a daughter who was pregnant at 17, or was endorsed by a preacher who claimed that the Holocaust was God's work, he would be out of the race. Hell, he would have to leave the country or be dragged out on a rail. But John McCain and Sarah Palin have been pulling out these exact things, and yet they remain, hell, they are the head of one of the largest political parties in, like, the WORLD. If the media had really maintained the so-called "liberal bias", then there would be no McCain/Palin. Look at what happened to John Kerry, and then tell me that the media is liberal. Knock it off, Republican Strategists.

Do you ever think that, between elections, the Republican Strategists and the Democratic Strategists get together and play risk, not to have fun, but to sniff out each other's weaknesses and poison their brandy? I do.

Just a couple more points...

Number one:

Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land – enough! This moment – this election – is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: “Eight is enough.”

His speech (which I did not get that chance to see live) gave me goosebumps, and had me in tears at a few moments. He got angry at the end, he got more impassioned than his speech four years ago (which is still one of the best that I have experienced) and, though of course he didn't close the book completely on any of the attacks–McCain will always use them, no matter how debunked or outdated they are–he certainly shot them down enough that it will make the GOP and FOX news look just a little dumber than usual when they bring it up.

And I know that it's part of his whole deal, but I'm actually pretty glad that he didn't spend too much time talking about his and Michelle's life stories. For me, it's gotten old to the point that it seems like more and more of a ploy when he uses it; though Bill Clinton made it look fresh last night, so it still works.

In conclusion: I wear my Obama sweater with pride and cashed my last DNC check today; I am proud and excited to be a part of this movement and will continue to do what I can (though my funds are low right now), even in Canada, up to November 4th.

Now here's point number two:

And all over the country was heard the rallying cry of "what the hell?"

Fine, John. Well played. Slick move. Because the best way to get Hillary supporters on board, close the age gap, and renew your whole "maverick" persona is to go with a 44-year old first-term female governor who is out of the beltway and does seem to have a record of fighting Republican corruption. Yeah, that sounds like someone sort of Hillary-ish. Of course, she has less experience than Obama, is a militant pro-lifer, a card-carrying moose-hunting member of the NRA who is outspoken against the LGBT community (though she does say that she has "gay friends"), a conservative Evangelical who has conservative Evangelical views, who supports drilling in the Alaskan Wildlife refuge, was supported by now-indicted senator Ted Stevens, has no experience with Foreign Policy and has very little with Economics, and is in a scandal of her own; not exactly Watergate, but she certainly ain't teflon.

And true, Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee aren't the smartest cookies in the basket. Neither is Giuliani, though Lieberman would have been smart enough to hold his own–and would probably have done better to sway over independents and those who are still under the impression that he's remotely liberal. But at least they're experienced on working or debating at the national level. She'll be a mouthpiece for McCain in the VP debate, and Joe Biden will tear her apart.

What a stupid choice, if you really think about it. What she represents, yes, that is important. But what she's actually done, who she actually is, doesn't really impress me in any way.

And I will be damned if I see the first woman in a presidential position be someone who isn't Hillary Clinton, who isn't progressive, who isn't wise, and tried, and true, and hasn't really done anything to earn it. Hillary–though I wasn't as strong a supporter of her as I was Obama–fucking earned it. She fucking struggled and fought and in my opinion women all over the country are in her debt. But our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, our aunts and, yes, quite a few of our uncles have not fought and bled for decades just for this. She might be a woman, and I respect her for her career, but just because we are of the same gender doesn't mean that we automatically represent the same things, that I have to applaud this choice by default. Never will I do that; just as I have never respected Condoleeza Rice. Just because you have the face or the body of a minority does not mean that you support their interests.

I have not waited my whole life, our country has not waited so long just to see the first female vice-president be nothing more than a stooge for the historically sexist GOP. No, never. I would rather wait fifty years than see that happen. And I think that the real Hillary supporters, the ones who are feminists AND progressives, will agree.

Fire it up, I'm ready to go

I think that I speak for a helluva lot of people when I say this: HRC owns my shit. Woman is a powerhouse, a tough cookie made of gold and punctuality and smarts that very few women, let alone people, can come close to being; and I am lucky to be among the generation that grew up under her husband's administration and watched her make history. I can say with complete confidence that, sooner than we would have ever hoped, a woman will take the oval office as more than just a first lady, but as a leader of the country and of the free world.

So I've been watching the convention for the past two days, and again, for the most part I find a lot of the speeches underwhelming; seldom do we stray from "Barack Obama is the change we need, John McCain is more of the same". And though that's surely the truest thing we could say right now, there's more urgency than that, and it's too bad that Clinton was one of the few to really thoroughly address that.

The best part of the night, and probably my favorite part of the convention so far, has been when the announcer asked everyone to stand up and face the back of the hall for the panoramic photo. They all stood up and turned around, and the camera started panning, and a few people cheered and waved, then one person yelled "fire it up!" and some people responded "I'm ready to go!" this got bigger and bigger, until the whole hall was shouting "Fire it up! I'm ready to go!" Without the aid of anyone at the podium telling them what to say or what to chant, the delegates on their own showed the true colors of the Democratic Party in the best and simplest way: that they were fired up, and they were ready to go. This is the party of change, of progress, of hope, of the American dream. Suck on that, RNC.




All out of thoughts, have songs from Across The Universe stuck in my head, I might want to watch it. Bad, Meg, BAD.